Moving Forward

I liked how you didn't come out and say, Jace is a vampire. You let the reader wonder, think and guess why he would need to kill to survive. One ...

This was a good start. I liked how at the end you used a kind of shocking, yet simple statement to draw us readers into the next chapter/part. "Only sick ...

That was exciting, it defintitely kept my attention. I was perplexed; did Celias long deep bruise happen in the cafeteria, or before? Also, it makes no sense that teachers and ...

I liked the idea; it was cute to think there were multiple fairy godmothers who played poker. One thing I wasn't clear on is the part where she had rags ...

It's..interesting. One thing I think you really excelled at here is describing how Sirius felt and saw the apple-the rubbery skin, etc. I was wondering...why would someone put fire whisky ...

I liked how you used so much emotion to explain the characters actions. You didn't just say the girl came because the plot wanted her to, you made her want ...

It's good because it has very vivid imagery. One thing you could work on is developing it more, so that it become more than one paragraph. This could also be ...

Okay, let's get this straight...People have names like Alastrona, Zephan and Cassius, and she drives a Mitsubishi Express? I've not been to Maine, but... A name like Toast would almost ...

This was good. I liked that it was simple, yet it was complete: beginning, middle, and end. Also, the description is sufficient for the story. It's a simple story; you ...

That was awesome! After reviewing two of your works, I'm starting to see a pattern: a simple, honest storyline, that keeps your attention even though you think you should be ...

I love a story that makes me laugh out loud, and this one did! It was funny thinking, why does he let some dude live with him who yells at ...

It looks like you have your idea developed very well. It is a good base for your writing, but please don't put this in a book/story. It's a massive info-dump. ...

It look like you have a good start. Some of it was hard to read because of all the run-on sentences. You should try to add some punctuation. Another thing ...

I liked the peoples names. I am confused: are Deamon and the main character brothers? If not, are there two sets of parents? Why did they only look in one ...

I thought the story was well-developed. It had a good end, and I like how you left the reader to wonder whether the family would escape or not. Mama! No ...